About Mi Pix

I used to think of myself as someone who could do and become anything I wanted to. I think I still do as a matter of fact. I knew then that it would be something visual, but I just couldn’t find anything appropriate in the cardfiles in the career library at school.

So I started learning to make films and photographs, but was overwhelmed with the struggle of being a student trying to exist in London, so ran away to New Zealand and got a ‘proper’ job helping people make commercials for TV instead. I kind of liked this role – I got to press lots of buttons and feel like I knew what I was doing and my parents could tell people how well I was getting on, but it was rather a long way from people I really missed.

So then I flew all the way back again, armed with some confidence, and did more proper jobs in dark rooms helping people make films selling them things they didn’t really need in their lives. I started helping make animated ones too and ones with lots of special effects and graphics. David, my partner, went from runner to telecine colour grader within a few months of arriving back in London, so we bought a lovely flat with an enormous mortgage and started transforming it over the next 4 years with the help of my dad (builder) from average to wow factor 10 – thanks Dad.

Somehow, by rearranging my shifts at work with the other fx assistant, I also fitted in evening life drawing classes at St. Martin’s and then a part-time course foundation course in painting and drawing at Chelsea. At work I used a computer with a pen and tablet that you could draw with – how much more visual a job could you get? And 60-70 hours a week of it too? But the death of my baby nephew, Aaron, knocked everything sideways – hitting home that life can be tragically short and you must truly believe in what you’re doing with it. Helping make commercials, however award-winning and prestigious they were, just didn’t seem important to me in the scheme of things. So after a brief exciting season playing as a sound and video technician at the Royal Opera House (absolutely Loved it but didn’t want to marry it), I finally plucked up the courage to follow my dream and applied to go and study art full-time. Everyone at FrameStore, where I worked, supported me all the way – they encouraged creativity per se and they liked us all to enjoy our work – it was like being part of another family – well it was my second home. But thanks for that everyone – I still miss that.

I felt much happier just for applying, and though initially I only got onto a reserve list for the degree course I’d chosen in Devon, a place came through at the last minute and I had only a few days to decide, give notice at work and go, leaving David working hard in post production in London… and paying our mortgage. I had to finance the first year of the degree myself, so went backwards and forwards on the train to London and freelanced at FrameStore – another double life. At college, I tried to keep my background a secret, as everyone seemed to want to learn how to use ‘time-based media’ and make ‘experimental’ films – I successfully avoided being roped in to help, selfishly entrenching myself in the painting studios – I just wanted to get my hands dirty!

For year 2 of my 3 year degree, I set up a student exchange and flew off to the USA to study art and anthropology in New Mexico, under the expert guidance of Professor Hawk, who was a native american shaman, and of myself with no one else really to report to – about as free as a student can be. With ideas of vision quests and rituals and also inspired by the beautiful work of Agnes Martin, a Canadian painter in her 80s who lived relatively close by, my own work got quite good and caused a bit of a stir among the home students, who were used to paintings of things, not my minimalist abstract nothings.

I kind of got hooked on the excitement of traveling and exploring and learning again while I was there, so didn’t go back to school in the UK when I should have, but took a year out to meet David in downtown Mexico City and try painting there in my earthquake-battered studio 2 blocks from the zocalo, surrounded by an amazing collection of international artists, writers and professional expatriots – how very Bohemian. My output was meagre to say the least, but the experience was intense, dare I say life-changing and a few paintings were worth rolling up to bring back… finally I relented (helped by losing my job in a tv production company during the economic crash) and wound my way homeward, researching my thesis – about Agnes Martin – on my way back across the States. A true adventure and fantastic road trip I’ll never forget.

Inspired and full of energy on my return, I produced some great work and got a first class degree. A group of us tried to keep the momentum going after graduating and organised a show in London, which went down well – FrameStore, ironically owned by Saatchis at that point, even bought a big painting for one of the edit suites (it’s still there) and then offered me a new job. But by then, I was determined to keep going, even though my studio was a leaky donkey shed below the remote barn conversion on Dartmoor I lived in. Despite getting involved in artist’s open studios events there for 2 years and trying to link up with other artists, I was working 4 jobs to make ends meet and I’d started talking to the sheep next door about my work – time to move – backwards/forwards/whatever – just on.

We moved to Bristol – the nearest city with any film industry to speak of (David was editing by then) and immediately threw ourselves into another house renovation. I got another proper job, this time helping people organise the people who made the films – I spent all my time on the phone all day, which I found I really enjoyed and was surprisingly good at (!) There were always nearly impossible things to find and organize, nearly impossible deadlines to meet, and some nice people to work with… the buzz was great fun and I really enjoyed work. But I wasn’t really happy in Bristol itself – I never really took to the place on a personal level – after London and Mexico City it seemed a bit halfway. I got myself a studio, but hardly ever did any work there – I wasn’t motivated or inspired or excited and was too energy-less after working a long week doing more buzzy stuff.

So, semi-secretly, I applied to do an MA, on a unique course I’d wanted to do for a long while, but didn’t think I’d be good enough for – the chance to work and learn and practice and focus in Barcelona. I got a place on the course and jumped at the opportunity, leaving David starting his new internet/media business needing an experienced project manager – a role I could have filled – and again paying our mortgage. Thank-you so much David. I flew off to be free to paint all day every day in Barcelona. How exciting and dynamic? But the first 3 months I felt such a fraud and so guilty, I screwed the whole thing up and failed my assessment. Of course, I had pushed myself to the edge and fought back with a vengeance – by the end of the year, I’d learnt loads and my work had changed dramatically and my final show was great from a challenging (especially your parents) point of view.

And just before the final show, I realised we were pregnant, so what did I do with my new-found studio direction after graduating? Once again I totally lost momentum and threw myself into finishing our house, helping David run his business, and focusing on leaving again, all together this time, to start a bold new life in southern Spain…

And that was four and a half years ago. Now we have 2 children, Hal & TheO. Both are absolutely wonderful and inspiring. Both are a joy and a (time-consuming) challenge. We’ve just about finished building a house, another huge project. Meanwhile, we’ve used our combined skills and produced some films – documentaries and how-tos for broadband internet and satellite tv. David spent the summer filming and editing hotel promos interspersed with some hardcore dry stone walling back at the ranch. In the process we’ve both learned some new skills, like how to survive on practically nothing and still maintain a professional attitude. Feeling like there was nothing to lose, I set up a studio space in the yurt we lived in during the house build. And then I set myself a start date of when the boys went to school in September…

And there’s always something that I let get in the way – this time it was 2 weeks of the boys being ill at the start of term and then the worst storms in 50 years which washed away the road that leads to our house, plus the electricity cables and water pipes and pumps for our well… oh, and hailstones which went through the roof of my so-called studio so now it’s covered in a big blue tarpauline and going mouldy inside where the rain got in…

But that’s no excuse is it? If I truly believe that I want to paint/make artwork, I should be able to do it shouldn’t I? Under ANY circumstances?

Yes, and that’s why I needed to blog this process – I need to get clear, remove all the fear and procrastination and just get on with it… enjoy it… make artwork – or stop thinking about it and do something else more worthwhile and for the greater good instead (or as well as)… like helping people make great films or life coaching or whatever it is.

once I’ve worked out what that is…

so this is my virtual studio – my thinking space…